EMDR Conquers Abandonment

Simone was born in Bogota, Columbia.  Her parents left her with an uncle when she was 3 to got to the USA for a better life.  Her father died on the journey; her mother married another man, and had 2 other children.  Her uncle abused her.

Years later her mother returned for her.

Simone’s mom felt like a total stranger.   Simone lived in constant fear, afraid her mother would leave her again, so she became the perfect child.  She did all of her chores, got straight A’s and never did anything she thought would upset her mom. 

Eventually, Simone became a doctor. 

Even with her successes, Simone is afraid.  Abandonment lurks behind every corner.  Even when with her good friends, she feels awkward, wishing they would never leave.  It takes everything she has to push the panic and fear down. 

With me, in session, she is often tongue tied, and afraid that I am mad at her.  Her eyes widen as she asks If I have upset her and will ask her to leave.  She does not know how to talk about her feelings, or tell her stories.  Just thinking of telling her stories, makes her nauseous and her tongue gets thick, and she can’t talk.

She is almost 40 years old, and has never been in a love relationship.  A few months ago, she met a man.  She is scared to death.

Every session we practice, slow Body focused EMDR.  Helping her feel the tiny micro-shifts in her body as she experiences triggers that frighten her, and we tap each step out, slowly, using short BLS passes. 

We slow down the steps of her attachment patterns, helping her notice her triggers, the feeling she has in her body, her emotions, the meaning she gives to her emotions and body sensations, and lastly her action tendency.  With each step, we tap, slowly, helping her slow down her responses, so she can feel them, and notice she is safe. 

She has come a long way.  In fact, yesterday, she let me know I let her down a few weeks ago.  I was so proud of her.